; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
