I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
