Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
