just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's shark week go big or go home
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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