That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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