Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
