it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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