if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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