and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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