ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
