I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
