she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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