She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
