I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
