We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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