If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
