Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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