would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
