Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
this is an emotional support booty call
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
