Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
