I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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