Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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