I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
