Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
