I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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