think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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