Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize