Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
