Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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