Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Randomize
