whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
