My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize