Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
