woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drake has all the answers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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