he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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