I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
