he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
