i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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