You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
