i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
