I wish I could teleport
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
