just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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