If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
