Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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