you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
