are you still at the devil's house?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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