She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
