frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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