I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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