Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
