It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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