apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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