Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
