Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
