we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
