If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
