you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
