Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
