Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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