I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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