remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
