Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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