i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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