she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
