anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
