i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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