the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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