She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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