god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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