I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
