I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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