atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
