honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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