tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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