Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
