apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
