Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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