Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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